after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
