bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
These tits shall not be calmed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
