it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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