It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize