you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
