Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
