It's like God shit irony all over that family
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
