I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
