i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize