nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
