I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
