what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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