I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
