I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just high enough for therapy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
