When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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