He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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