a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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