How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
