yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize