a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
