I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
