Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
