I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
