And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
