Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
