She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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