In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
