Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it glows. i had to have it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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