oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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