i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
