I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
