Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
