It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
