I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
