Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
