home. puking in laundry basket.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
