Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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