Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
