I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
