After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize