were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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