I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
