he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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