): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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