I faked an abortion last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
