You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
