you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
