Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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