he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
