Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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