need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
