Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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