16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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