I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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