I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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