Me. At least after what I've been through.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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