I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
