i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
