I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
