You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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