Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
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