he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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