Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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