A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
