two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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