one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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