just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize