Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
