dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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