then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
