Pants 0. Shit 1.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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