it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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