Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
