i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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