I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
