The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
