I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
