ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
