yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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