Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
