How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
