oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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