Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
