this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
