I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Randomize
