I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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