she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
