I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
