16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
